Mixing Blood, Weaving Hearts
................For a lingering several seconds, she looked at the figure lying across from her and the smile that spread across her face depicted someone deeply and passionately in love. Her brows knitted. She felt within herself the stirrings of nervousness and anxiety. Shed been so caught up in her holiday morning shed temporarily forgotten what this day was going to eventuate. Talk about your minor miracles! In spite of the sniggling thoughts trying to invade her psyche, she made herself smile again. This wasnt going to be an easy day, far from it. She almost wished she were at the end of it so shed know how it all turned out. No, she thought, no. If this is going to be the best part of the day then its going to be the very best. This is Christmas and Im not giving it ALL up. I deserve my share.
Good morning, honey, she heard a sleep-filled voice say. Merry Christmas.
She looked into the eyes of the man she loved, wildly and wholeheartedly. Kevin was her life. There wasnt a fiber in her body that didnt belong to him. She smiled at him and kissed him quickly.
Merry Christmas to you, too. I love this holiday. Its my favorite.
Always will be. When I was a kid she rambled.
Kevin Carlson looked at the love of his life very intently and interrupting her said, Youre nervous, arent you? Dont bother to lie. You talked in your sleep. She started to protest but he stopped her, Besides, you have a dead give-away. Not noticeable to those who arent paying attention, but when youre anxious or tense or even just extremely tired, you have this small pulse just below your eyebrow that throbs.
Oh, pooh, she answered, trying to play him off. He wasnt buying it.
He knew better. So did she. But theyd save it for later.
Please dont be nervous, Shan, he urged, Itll be all right. She sighed knowing full well she really did need additional reassuring today. On the other hand, she also realized he could probably use a healthy dose himself. He had every reason to be as apprehensive as she.
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......................As she sat in the chair in their foyer tucking on her boots, Shannon felt like warm melted butter. Or, maybe, rich whipped cream. It was indescribable. How to put into words the feeling of knowing you are so profoundly loved, wanted and cherished? Talk about a double dose of blessings! First its Christmas and then her emotions are so tightly wrapped around her like a painstakingly wrapped gift. If winning the million-dollar lottery didnt exact such feelings, then it wasnt worth winning. Well, okay, maybe, she chuckled to herself. That might be stretching it just a little bit.
Walking out the door she figured that if her heart was going to be broken at any time that day or night at least they would at least have these perfect moments. Later they would face the landmines. They were two people wildly in love with each other and they knew how to create a world between themselves guaranteed to make each other happy. But, realistically thinking, there was a big wide world out there that didnt necessarily share their particular sentiments. Or, for that matter, give much a damn about their love, happiness or need for one another. She was Black, he was White and not everybody was singing the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson song, Ebony and Ivory. There were plenty of people out there who didnt embrace its poignant meaning. To them, Kevin and Shannon represented a personal affront to sober convention.
As she walked about the vicinity admiring one house after another she thought about the coming consequences of the most profound day of her life. Today was the Big Day. It! Judgment Day, you could say. Each was bringing the other Home For The Holidays. And even though Shannon knew he didnt want to fully admit it, Kevin Carlson wasnt without his own inner tension. He had a nice group of friends, he kept reminding her, and his family certainly didnt consistent of a pack of barbarians, but she knew damned well not every one of them was going to turn a blind eye. Itd be a shame if Kevin lost any of them to blind prejudice. Of course, she hoped the same for herself. You just never knew with people. You think you know somebody and then BAM! You get socked between the eyes.
But the greatest source of distress wasnt the attitudes of friends. Or even co-workers. It was the reception of their families. This was going to be a first for both the Tennysons and the Carlsons. In all likelihood, they probably would be totally staggered, shocked and disbelieving.
And that was just for starters.
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.........................Nobody in this neighborhood seemed to pay much attention to the fact that she and Kevin were a racially mixed couple. Shed been surprised at that. She acknowledged the fact that shed never been a target of any open hostility, and shed expected it. But, no, it hadnt happened. People came and went, said hello, how are you. For the most part residents here minded their own business. There was no reason for them to be rude, but still she had expected some targeted negative responses. Protracted staring, fingers pointed their way. Never happened, not even once. She had been pleasantly surprised in this regard. It also made her feel slightly apologetic for not giving individuals she didnt even know any moral credit. She knew in her head that kind of thinking really wasnt fair. But, being a member of a minority didnt always allow such luxury of the brain cells. There was always that element of pins and needles until you were proven wrong. People - most people, all over - spent an enormous amount of time on racial stupidity. And one way or another it affected everyone.
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.....................To be sure, on some topics there were no encouraging discussions from his parents. Because it wasnt significant enough to impact the family. In the final analysis, if it wasnt important then it wasnt worth talking about. The natural conclusion being if it wasnt worth talking about, then it didnt/wouldnt/better not happen to smart, intelligent people like themselves. And that was the end of that. Clean. Over. And although he didnt realize it at the time, White.
The Tennysons werent all that different from Kevins family. At least it seemed from what he told her. But they were a little more vocal. The Tennysons operated within a framework of see what this foolishness does to break up and tear down families? It could be very pervasive and persuasive. And was. One memorable confrontation probably set the ball rolling. Thered been no exceptions like that ever again.
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.................To some it might seem downright ludicrous that there were still people who held such bigotry to their chests so tightly. Most people thought they were way beyond that level and would never make such inane statements, if only not to shame themselves. The reality was Uncle Dave was an abhorrent racist cartoon. Archie Bunker was ignorant but there was an honesty about the way he behaved. And in a pinch, Bunker would come through because basically there was a generosity behind his words and deeds. He was not an active hater and somewhere deep down he knew it. Uncle Dave was not Archie Bunker. Uncle Daves prejudices although just as ignorant were fueled by a fierce underlying devotion to his sense of complete superiority and disreputable intolerance for anything different from his own particular kind.
So you are telling me straight up you and this white boy are kicking it? As in romance? As in sex! As in you might even hook up permanently? Is this what youre trying to tell me? Kevins voice wasnt loud - yet. Worse, it was low and cruel. Mean. Vicious. And it wasnt going to take any more eggnog to get him to the next level. But she couldnt make alcohol the culprit in this case. Water would have had the same effect, she realized. Nicks constantly emerging feelings about this sort of thing ran deep and true and became more and more cemented in concrete. He was not remotely interested in exploring anyone elses ideas or attitudes regarding intimate relationships between black and white. He had a theory about these unions called The BB Theory and he was proud of it. Essentially it expressed the thought that interracial relationships were bogus and bullshit.
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..................She had no idea what Kevins mother was feeling and his dad had yet to be brought into the fold. What was he going to say? Shed had better Christmases. One thing was for sure. Theyd never forget this one.
Stephaney Lesley
Printed with permission of author.
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